Friday, March 30, 2007

Thankful for what I've got

Well, after hearing that my friend MIGHT receive visitors, I impulsively packed up my 17 month old and flew across the country in the hopes that I might get to see him one last time. I didn't. But I'm okay with that because I tried and in the mean time I got to introduce the monkey to all the folks I care about out there. Carpe Diem, right? Tomorrow we may all be dead. Why keep putting it off? Why make excuses like "I don't have the time right now", "It's a hassle", "I'll do it later".
Well the cherry blossoms began to bloom through the constant rain while I was carting the monkey around hither and yon. The moss was an electric green that I wont see in my neck of the woods for another two months. And I got to look in the eyes of people I love and rarely see. It was exhausting and rejuvenating all at once. I'm sorry I didn't get to see Bruce but because of him I stepped out of my little world for a moment.
Thanks. And I still want that seat saved.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

At a distance

Found out a couple of days ago that a friend with cancer is officially on the "too far gone" list. The doctors give him weeks and he is refusing visitors. I am regretting not going to see him last summer when I first wanted to. I suppose I could give myself a break by saying it is across the country and I have a new-ish baby but come on. Life happens when you are busy doing other things. And evidently so does death. Harsh? Yeah, feeling a little harsh over this. And really this is the first person I will have known, a friend, my age to die. This is weird. This is hard. I wanted him to meet my little girl. I wanted to look him in the eye and know that, against the odds, he had beaten cancer and was going to go on being a ballsy, sarcastic, brazen, booze swilling, razor witted scoundrel that is irresistible to all who come into range. I wanted him to spit in the eye of death. And now I can't even say good bye. Or hello for that matter.
Bruce, I'm sorry I made excuses. You have been in my thoughts all along. Save a seat for me.